Shopping With Babies Sucks

It is almost 3:00 in the afternoon and I am impatiently waiting for the little lion to wake up so that I can take the babies to school. I love their school, it gives me a break. I am going to go clothes shopping while they are in school today. I am supposed to go grocery shopping, but I can't bear too, so clothes shopping it is. I tried to go grocery shopping earlier, but I only managed to get baby and pet stuff before the tantrums started. Little lion didn't want to be strapped in the cart, dragon girl wanted to run around, and mommy just wanted to leave. It is very tricky to go anywhere with two babies. You have the big old diaper bag, a squirming baby, an independent toddler who never listens, a headache because you have been up all night soothing nightmares and providing bottles, and you are trying your best to do what you need to do while trying to keep the babies from getting hit by a car or abducted by some sicko. Shopping was so much easier when I was single...but not nearly as much fun!

Dinner

Tonight I am making barbeque baked beans and pork, cooked in the crockpot. I decided to make some cornbread, and found a great recipe at Allrecipes.com. It came out lovely, so I figured that I would share.

1 1/2 cups cornmeal
2 1/2 cups milk
2 cups all-purpose flour

1 tablespoon baking powder

1 teaspoon salt

2/3 cup white sugar

2 eggs

1/2 cup vegetable oil

I added a teaspoon of vanilla for sweetness

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 400 degrees F (200 degrees C). In a small bowl, combine cornmeal and milk; let stand for 5 minutes. Grease a 9x13 inch baking pan.
2. In a large bowl, whisk together flour, baking powder, salt and sugar. Mix in the cornmeal mixture, eggs and oil until smooth. Pour batter into prepared pan.
3. Bake in preheated oven for 30 to 35 minutes, or until a knife inserted into the center of the cornbread comes out clean.

New Tunes

I listen to music constantly, and I just love it when I find a new group. I found this today, it is The Pretty Reckless. Enjoy!

Look at the Pretty Lights

Did you know that if you go without sleep for long enough you get to have visual and auditory hallucinations? It is interesting, if nothing else. I keep seeing the most beautiful light, it is like the aurora borealis in Alaska. Vague, amorphous shapes that have rainbow edges. I still haven't slept. It is 4am. The little lion is still roaring, the husband is still sleeping. I thought that since he didn't have to get up for work today that he might give me a hand. I thought wrong. Seriously...when your wife has been awake and dealing with a sick baby with no break, when she is hallucinating because she hasn't slept in days, you suck it up and get up with the freaking baby! If the dragon wasn't in bed with him I would so throw a bucket of cold water on him.

Why Are All My Posts About Sleep Deprivation?

Is it bad that I am seriously considering leaving my husband simply because I am so sleep deprived that the idea of the babies going to their dad's for the weekend- and me finally getting to sleep- sounds like heaven? My little lion is sick. Very sick. Which means sleepless nights and whiny days. Since Tuesday I have had 3 hours of sleep. It's Friday. My husband knows this, he sees how much the little lion and I are suffering, but he won't help. Last night I went to bed at 9:30, having been awake, alone, and dealing with a sick baby for 36 hours straight. My little lion roared a half an hour later. My hubby was still up but I had to pull baby duty. I guess he was busy...or something. Same thing at 11:45. I finally got up for the day at midnight- with a screaming baby, worried crazy, and utterly exhausted. And my husband, continuing the great tradition of men being insensitive asshats, refused to help. Again. I spent the night on the floor in the lion's den, trying to console the inconsolable. My husband spent the night sleeping. Again. To give him credit he did tell me that he would get up with the little lion and let me sleep until 7:30am when he leaves for work...he told me this at 6am. I told him to f**k off. I am not very nice sometimes- monsters are like that, you know. I need some music to motivate me, to get me through the exhaustion fog. This is my current favorite song. Lately, it just fits my mood for some reason...

Sleep Deprivation is a Special Form of Torture

       My monsters won't sleep. My dragon girl is sick again and the little lion is not sleeping tonight. This last week I am averaging 3-4 hours of sleep a night, last night I only got 2. I am so tired that I actually did the math (I hate math) and I would need to sleep 27 hours straight just to catch up sleep from the last 5 days. I need Thorazine. Or a roofie. This is ridiculous. My husband won't get up with the kids and it makes me even crazier. I understand, he has to work and I stay home, but it drives me nuts anyway. He offered to come home early today and let me sleep, but after a week of sick kids and sleepless nights I am snappish and I told him not to bother. My twisted monster logic goes like this- he won't help me when I really need him to (say, at 3am) so I don't want his help anymore. It's not fair to him, I know how unhealthy it is to think like that, but right now I don't freaking care. I'm exhausted. If this was torture I would totally give away my secrets....because everything sucks when you aren't allowed to sleep.
       I have to say though, watching cartoons at 4am with a sick toddler is actually kind of fun. We drank milk, cuddled on the couch, and discussed life. My husband is missing out on some very good times, while he blissfully enjoys his full night of sleep. And I know it's wrong but I resent him for it. See, that is the thing about losing your mind to exhaustion. You start to get irritated very quickly, your head aches, you can't get a grasp on the world around you, and everything feels like it is covered in sandpaper. It is a little like being high, but not nearly as much fun. I can speak with some authority on the subject because my kids never sleep and before I had kids I stayed up all night for...ummm... other reasons. Maybe I should just quit trying to sleep. Or maybe I should try to get a good nights sleep and start eating more so I don't drop dead. Whatever requires the least amount of effort.